Mentors A Must!

Goes without saying that our kids keep us busy. All kids. I'm convinced mentors are a helpful addition to the family. Our lightning bolt is blessed by the significant other people that surround him. Why are they significant? Bottom-line is they "get" what's happening here. They look at Bobby's strengths and converse with him in those areas. They are friends and family who take a particular interest in speaking to him when they see him, patting him on the back, inviting him to do things with them and quite frequently, ignoring those impulsive things he says and does that well-meaning parents would dearly love to address and fix. These safe people love him unconditionally. They are a cherished treasure.

 

If I didn't have mentors right now in my family or circle of friends I'd be starting an earnest search. Scouts, Sports, Church, School. Good people are out there. My child is worth the search.   Today I'm once again thankful for the friends we have who are helping us raise ou4 super-cool and rock-star kid, Bobby! Here's to mentors. Every child deserves them!

1st Sprint Triathlon-And Only 12!

No joke! Mr. Energy himself has a triathlon under his belt now. Last weekend he competed with 141 people in his first Sprint Triathlon. (.47 mi swim, 12 1/2 mi bike ride & 5k run). He was the YOUNGEST entrant ever in this triathlon and most everyone present cheered him on. He competed with skill and speed against mostly adults. He and 3 other teens were the only kids under 20 in the competition. As he crossed the finish line he was welcomed in as the youngest competitor and immediately pulled aside for an interview. That was a high day for me. My boy used his energy and spirit to accomplish something big. Some days as we deal with these miniature tornadoes we fail to see success in the future. We are consumed by the intensity of daily life. We are now seeing maturity. Not every minute but every day. We see growth. Bobby's Triathlon was a display of such growth. Go speedy boy. Go!

Progress & Our Preteen

Bobby's doing well. He's still and will likely always be on the fast-train to everything but he is making steady growth in the thinking/processing consequences department. One year ago we were always in the same room as he was. We never left him alone and he was incapable of following thru on anything if we weren't watching. Fast forward to almost 13 years old (in 3 months, 11 days).

Here's an update:
1) Bobby has free reign of our home now and we don't follow him around!
2) Bobby has picked a recipe from a cookbook and made it for the family for dinner!
3) Bobby has climbed out on the roof and written on a 2nd story window!
4) Bobby has learned to tie flies for fly-fishing and has started a little, tiny side business!

Ok, so most everything is looking better. We're still challenged by some behaviors but he's without meds still and though well below grade level in Math and Spelling, everything else is looking good in school and at home! Yeah! Victory!

 That's all for today. Check back to see how this continues. Here's to finding good stuff in all our kids. Even our ADHD ones!

Duathlon-Bobby's First One!

Two weeks ago Bobby decided to register for a local duathlon his dad was already signed-up for. The race was in one week. He is active but he had virtually no training for this event. He was also the only kid involved, competing against all adults. 2 1/2 mile run/15 mile mountain bike ride, then the second 2 1/2 mile run. It was a grueling event for our boy, with all but 3 ladies finishing ahead of him. But the president of the bike club, sponsors and his adoring family was all there to cheer the smiling boy across the finish line. He was tired but he was proud!

 

ADHD kids desperately need to be involved in things they excel in. So much of school life is difficult for many of them and the daily "beating down" of rigid academics makes student life hard to endure. Most parents of ADHD kids will admit this. So it is our duty as parents to aggressively seek out things our kids can do well in. This means trial and error. Just because Soccer isn't the "golden sport" for your child, does not mean there isn't one out there. Keep looking. Don't give up. If sports aren't it....hobbies, bikes, animals....you get the idea. A bored and discouraged ADHD child is not a good idea. Period.

 

CONGRATULATIONS Bobby, on your first Duathlon. Dad and I are excited to see how the next one goes...and how the Olympic Triathlon goes in June! You're the best!

 

So How's It Going Without Meds?

Thank you for asking. We're over 6 weeks post-medication and Bobby is thriving in his busy but able-to-control body. Let's say this from the start. I DO NOT believe we can "toss" all kids' meds and wait for a miracle. ADHD is a real disorder on a far-ranging spectrum. No two kids are identical. Bobby is functioning well now. He is no more impulsive than he was on Ritalin, Adderal or Stratera. Not one bit. He's still busy, active and inquisitive. He blurts & bolts like any active pre-teen boy. He's becoming more and more charged by hormones. None of what we see calls for medication at this point. Could this change? Are we open to a possible future need for treatment? Well, what parent really wants to see their child rely on a pill each day? I hope he never has to return but we will not deprive him of what he needs to be a success in his academic, athletic and life pursuits. We get that numerous problems arise when a young adult needs but doesn't take medication. Problems that affect learning and successful employment. Taking one day at a time here. Hoping all parents take one day at a time.

 

No More Meds! Wow!

Still holding my breath and saying a prayer but it's been three weeks since Bobby's last Ritalin tablet. It all started during Christmas vacation, with constant stomach pain. As the days passed, the pain increased. After multiple medical tests turned up absolutely nothing, I suddenly wondered if his medication was creating this pain.

Never in the past 6 years had Bobby suffered with stomach pains associated with his meds which is probably why we were certain he had something serious like appendicitis or some other affliction. Very reluctantly we took our boy OFF HIS MEDS. There are people who are adamantly opposed to kids using adhd meds & would likely give three cheers for Bobby being off meds. I do understand this thought. Those are STRONG drugs. No question there are unwanted side-effects and no good mom or dad really wants to "drug" their precious child. Things aren't always black and white with adhd & even if you walk a similar road with your child, you aren't on the same path as other parents may be.

Bobby is off medication. Has been for 3 amazing weeks! He shows not one sign of being in need of strong meds like Ritalin. He is a strong-willed, oppositionally-defiant middle school boy. Not sure any pill cures THAT line-up!

He soars high in Social Studies, History, Science and Reading but is several grade levels behind in Math. He hates Math. But this doesn't qualify him for adhd meds either. He's getting a summer Math tutor. He has requested she be a beautiful young lady.

As this is an on-going blog on the experience of one family working with our "wild guy" I will continue to update honestly. If this "no-meds" thing blows up in our faces, we'll be here sharing this with the world. Or the 34 people who follow my blog! This is all a journey for us & what a journey it is!

Sneaky, Smart & Computer Passwords

He's smart but sneaky & he knows just how to get around those locked up computers. It's easy. When the computer owner steps away from their computer (for even 2 minutes) rush over and hit "control panel." From there a sneak can set up what has become notorious around here as the "guest account."

 

Our boy is smart! Bobby has adhd but this isn't adhd behavior. This is something any smart & sneaky child can accomplish in one unattended minute! This behavior has been punished repeatedly. You would think by now he'd understand that he doesn't get to use computers he hacks. But no, it happens almost every single time we let him "earn" some computer time. Most recently, last evening.

 

Laptop on in the living room, we were out of the room, getting into costumes for a Christmas drama. Late that evening as I was shutting down my computer I decided to check the control panel. Sure thing. There was a guest account. Our sweet boy had gone to bed without any difficulties (likely pretty jazzed about getting up a few hours later to play "Age of Empires" his favorite game).

 

Trying to stay a few steps ahead of Bobby is a workout. He's smarter than a whip and just as loaded with naughtiness. We wouldn't want him up all night looking for trouble so we always shout out "the guest account is off" so he doesn't bother getting up later. We also remind him of consequences and that the computer will now be off limits a few more weeks.

 

We are doing everything we possibly can to provide our son with things to do and time spent together. Hobbies, books, games, family trips and time. This home is loaded with activity. (Not the latest gadgets preteens beg for!) But some days it just doesn't seem like enough for him. Some days it would just be easiest to hand over the psp he wants to move on. But for us....this just isn't the right path. Here's to quality time and making it over another hurdle.

Refusing To Medicate

So, my child is out of control at home, school and all public places. He grabs, bursts & speaks without thinking. This goes on and on day after day, year after year. The voices in my head are shouting, "something needs to change here" but other voices fill the gaps with, "Do you want a drugged-out child?" What does a parent do?

We went down this path for a few years with our boy. They were difficult, miserable years but well-meaning friends/family would suggest he would out-grow this behavior OR he just needed tighter reigning. Of course, they knew best. They took him in the car, to the store, to school, to the dinner table. They meant well. Because they hadn't experienced exactly what we were living, they truly did not understand how challenging this was minute-to-minute. Nobody understood.

We did not blindly bolt for the pharmacy and a drug to change our baby boy. We agonized, sought counsel from many & prayed. Would our boy be safe on a sidewalk? Would he learn in school? Would he make friends? Would he destroy his home? These were the REAL QUESTIONS we asked ourselves for several years, while experiencing this day-to-day trauma. Another question plagued us. If Bobby had Type 1 Diabetes would we put him on medication? If he had any disease, would we seek treatment? Without a doubt.

The above situations molded our thinking and Bobby has been able to function more successfully since. Not a perfect solution but a tremendous change was seen and continues to this day. If I was going down the path again I would probably endure a few years again, just making certain I was doing the best for my boy. But, in the end, I would add medication to his program. No question. Anything less hurts him more in my opinion.

Not Lettin' Our Guard Down Around Here!

Yep, it's wayyy easier than years leading to this one but we can't let down our guard. We're proud of Bobby's growing but not burying our heads in the sand. He's all-boy, filled with wild mischief & a daring nature. Those characteristics make for challenges no matter how much "growing up" he has done. We continue to watch closely, trying to always keep the channels of communication open so that the blind-siding is less frequent.

Years ago we realized Bobby had a fascination with matches, knives & paint. These three items have caused a few problems for our adhd boy so we can't really turn our backs now. ADHD doesn't simply "go-away." The indicators for this disorder may shift & change over the years but they make up the personality of most people who have the diagnosis for the rest of their lives to some degree. Hence, we can celebrate the good changes & maturity we are seeing but our guard remains in place.

Bobby turned our world upside down but we would never trade the joy his sense of interest, adventure & wild-curiosity have given us. We have learned & here we share, hoping other parents will find compassion and understanding.
 

Easier Days With ADHD

Wasn't it just yesterday that our home was filled with chaos & confusion? Seems that way, but in the past year every week has become easier than the previous one. Few tools & treasures have been torn or broken & nothing is missing. It's positively miraculous. There was a time not that long ago when everything looked very bleak. Bobby's behavior was a challenge not only daily but moment-by-moment. He high-energy boy bent on destruction & nobody could stop him. I looked around and saw few children who matched his naughtiness and I was a broken-hearted mom, seeing no way out of this darkness.

 

When he was 2 I figured when he turned 3 he'd grow out of some of the terrible behavior, since he'd be out of those infamous "terrible twos." Then I expected change with the 4th birthday, 5th birthday, 6th....and so on. As he approached 9 & 10 I began to believe this was never going to turn around & that we were on a long dark path. No longer was I expecting to see that "better year" ahead. And then we hit 11. Our world began to change. Bobby became more mature & the sunshine poked it's way through those dark storm clouds. There's nothing in me that believes there was a "cure" out there for our boy but rather a collection of contributing factors. Just in case another parent is overwhelmed in adhd-land:

 

1) Lots of love (though not always patience as this isn't easy to be 100% patient with)

2) Parent/child hobbies done together

3) Outdoor exercise together--sports, hiking, biking, kayaking, swimming

4) Medication adjustments as needed

5) Supportive family and friends who show kindness & love to our boy!

6) 7 months ago- drastic steps taken to reduce and eliminate soda, sugar, processed foods, oils & artificial ingredients from our diet. Adding daily helpings of fresh dark green veggies and lots of other fruits and vegetables. Our whole family does this so there's no feeling of "I can't eat what everyone else gets."

7) Consistency in discipline & routine.

 

As a teacher, I see an incredible increase in adhd labels today. Do we accept the labels and go no further? Definitely not. We owe it to these high-needs kids to find out what triggers their behavior and what helps it. Combining many interventions will likely see improvements in a good share of these great kids. Bobby will probably always be high-energy but for today we're pretty thrilled that  he's growing in positive ways!

ADHD Kids-- We Gotta Find Their Strengths

We are blessed to be surrounded by family and friends. Most of these people truly see Bobby for his strengths. Some of those go a step further and point out the ways those strengths could be used in his future. On a recent kayaking adventure, Bobby found some hooks, bobbers & used fishing line. While on the bank, a close friend watched over him as he began to patiently work his fingers, untangling the many knots to make his new line useable. Because she knows his background with impulsivity & impatience, she was amazed by his skillful dexterity and commented to him about it. Later she shared this story with me, pointing out how she wasn't certain he really heard her observations. When we were making dinner that evening, Bobby sat at the deck talking about his fun-filled afternoon. He was pretty proud of himself as he told me that Claudia thought he was incredibly adept with his fingers and that line. She told him he had skills that could lead him to possibly being a surgeon one day. I think he was holding his head & shoulders just a bit higher that evening-someone believed in him, had faith in his future. Something our Bobby so desperately needs. Thank you, Claudia. Whether or not Bobby chooses to pursue medicine, remains to be seen but today that doesn't even matter. A strength was identified & everyone needs this-especially adhd kids!

WHO Is This Kid In Our Home!??

My boy turns 12 in a couple months & for the past 10 years we've known nothing but chaos & confusion. His young years of childhood have probably been a lot of fun for him but they've been absolutely nuts for his father & me. Suddenly though, things have turned around. For the past 6 weeks Bobby has been a completely different child. There are no temper tantrums, nothing destroyed & he is helpful and kind. He's fun to be around. He has been helping daily in our large family garden, seemingly enjoying finding the veggies & uprooting weeds. I haven't a clue if this is the beginning of a new "normal" for us with our 4th child, Bobby. I pray it is.

Why is everything different? Likely the med change we did 6 weeks ago. Was on Adderal but we switched to Ritalin. Adderal was making him angry and combative all the time. Adderal worked fairly well at first but negative affects kicked in months ago & we just endured. Poor kid. He couldn't have felt good.

Other changes.....nutrition. We kicked some things out of our diet! Things like processed foods, all sugar, caffeine, meat & dairy products. We replaced all that crap with literally piles of veggies, fruits, grains, beans and nuts. This change was done almost 5 months ago and Bobby's recent blood work is showing a TOTALLY healthy boy, responding WELL to serious nutrition, eating LOTS & growing much faster than before. YEAH!!

I'm trying to embrace things in life as they come. I have no idea if this heaven-on-earth is going to last long. (We are just a year away from teen years!) But this I know, TODAY is beautiful and no matter what happens, tomorrow will be as well. Bobby, since the day we met you when you were just 11 1/2 weeks old, we have loved you to the moon and back. What a spectacular kid you are!!