Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Depression In ADHD Kids

We're seeing quite a bit of depression these days. Considerably more than ever before. Can't figure out if starting back to school has kick-started it after such a fun summer or if maybe it's just a new phase. One thing is certain, it's heart-breaking. I don't cope well around depression. Doesn't mean I've never been depressed ('cuz I get down from time to time) but it's just not something I can "fix" or make better, so I feel helpless as a parent.  I'm really hoping this is a phase and not a new "normal" in our home. The odds are always against him. This will not be good if the blues stick around. I feel so sorry for him.

Tonight I'm rambling. Not really sure where we'll turn from here but one thing is sure....Bobby's Psychologist should have a handful of good tools for us to try out. Sometimes the days are very long but we're still just taking them one at a time.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Double-Meaning Words & ADHD Kids

Impulsive kids blurt. They don't mean to cause so much embarrassment. It's just the nature of ADHD. Double-meaning terms are some of the worst. This time I'm siding with my boy. I won't use the word here, due to the fact that someone went over-the-top crazy when they heard it slip off his tongue. 

My son is a history buff in the making. He reads about wars & the gold rush all the time. He and all his fishing buddies (and his father) use a phrase taken from the gold rush days....but apparently, this phrase has another meaning in some circles (definitely not ours). When this adult heard our son use this popular gold-rush term, she nearly went into orbit, chewing him up one side and down the other, without even so much as a talk with me as his mother first. I ran to his side to hear the tongue-lashing. I knew it was also a much-used historic term but did not argue with her. Bobby's dad and I talked to him later that evening and explained he did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, she didn't take the time to find out why he used that historic expression, assuming incorrectly that he was simply repeating filth. He felt SO awful after her blasting. This time he was innocent.
Oftentimes these kids ARE guilty when accused.  Sadly too, they're frequently blamed for stuff they didn't do. We're reminding Bobby that this is just life & he won't always have parents to come to his defense. "Just learn to move on and put it behind ya!"

Accepting Advice From the Older Siblings?

There's no reason not to listen to the advice of older siblings. After all, they're spending time in the home and they could be blessed with some rare insight. (Insight is always ok to "hear.") Not long ago, one of our college kids was home for awhile. This kid is incredible with his brother. Takes him to town with him, plays games with him and sometimes rewards him with computer time on his own laptop. Big brother & sisters are all grown & generally away from home but having some time here allowed our oldest son to see the day-to-day behavior and sometimes CHAOS that can be our routine. He had a couple thoughts that we heard him out on, implementing some strategies immediately. Nothing wrong with hearing others' thoughts. Especially when it's someone who really knows & loves the family. (I'll take my own kids' suggestions over some people's....just because my kids truly understand all angles.)

I do try to be gracious to anyone offering their home-grown wisdom. I don't argue or put down suggestions. (The truth is, they don't live with us so they'll never know if we implement any of their ideas!)  Parenting a high needs ADHD child is tough. It is my belief that this job can not be done without continual research and improvement as a parent.

Bobby's worth everything we're putting into parenting. We want him ready to be successful outside our home in a few more years!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Great Book: "From Defiance to Cooperation"

Why is my son getting more and more hostile & angry? Why must he argue about everything? Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) exists in a large number of ADD or ADHD kids. While it can be caused by a number of different factors, one thing is's FRUSTRATING to deal with in your kids. There is however, a difference between being clinically diagnosed with ODD & exhibiting anger from time to time. Our Psychologist recommended this book by John F. Taylor, PhD: "From Defiance to Cooperation," and I have barely put it down since it arrived. In my opinion it really gets good at Chapter 3, "Create Greater Emotional Safety," but everything in it is pretty helpful! We bought a used copy on for just a few dollars, plus shipping. Every parent dealing with strong defiance would gain tremendous insight from reading this book & the author states that Chapter 3 should be read by the teacher(s) of defiant kids! 

There's no question things will look up around here when we understand more about this "ODD" thing!!