A Day Without Adderall!!!??!!

Unbelieveable! Parents really CHOOSE to do this sort of thing?  I was running late to work and remembered the little blue pill when I was close to his school. There was no turning around and there were no back-up sources. Just had to let him go. I decided not to remind Bobby he hadn't taken his pill due to the fact that I felt he'd act out and think he had an excuse to do so.

This particular day was a half-day so that part was a blessing. Sounds like he really didn't raise too many red flags either. But when it came back to hit me was later that day when I was organizing a kids' skit. It was practice time and he had not one stitch of calm in his body. There wasn't a moment in that 30-minute practice, that my son held still. He talked non-stop, while bouncing from one spot to the next the entire time! 

I've thought of taking a day off from meds before, but we're gonna wait until it's a day that we don't need to focus on ANYTHING!

Do your days sometimes (or often) run like this? You're not alone in the battle.  Scroll a few inches down the right side bar to "My Blog Titles."  Maybe something there will be familiar!!

Simple Invitation/Heart-rending Reaction

It couldn't have happened at a better time. Bobby has regular ups and downs in this journey but as he approaches pre-adolescence, we're hearing more and more about how he wants to fit in with the other kids. Wants to be accepted. Craves positive attention. That's why he was so excited when one of the older kids invited him home for dinner after church. Aside from family & people we've asked to watch him here and there, Bobby hasn't been invited home after church to spend time in another home. I could tell he was surprised and hopeful that we'd say yes. Nice family. Good kids. A quiet meal & afternoon drive with our older son was in our very near future! OF COURSE we said yes! Bobby had to get some jeans & tennis shoes first, so we headed home for the quick change. His buddies would be stopping by shortly to pick him up. What followed was something that nearly brought tears to my eyes. After changing, Bobby grabbed the binoculars in the living room and sat down to see if he could spot the highway from our home. It was quite the sight-Bobby all ready to go with his jacket on, staring out the window toward the highway. (I don't think he could see the highway, but he was ready when they arrived in the driveway!)

Today made a difference in our son's life. He has many, many people who love him and go to bat for him but today, a special family took a step so many would find overwhelming. They opened their home and welcomed him in. He won't forget this soon! I never will. Thank you, friends.

"Joey Pigza" books, by Jack Gantos

Some exciting books have flown onto my radar today: "Joey Pigza Loses Control" & "Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key," two in a series by Jack Gantos. These were recommended by our oldest daughter. Few know our youngest child, Bobby, as well as his older siblings and our daughter stumbled upon these this week. Of course, she knew we'd appreciate hearing about them. The books by Jack Gantos, in this series, are geared toward 3rd - 6th or 7th graders. Joey Pigza is a busy kid, and as you've probably guessed, has some BIG problems.

Mr. Gantos also has a series for younger kids: ("The Rotten Ralph Rotten Readers")  & I tried one out today on my first grade class. Put it this way, they've fallen in love with Rotten Ralph, a very naughty cat who's always getting into trouble and they gave this book two thumbs up!

These books aren't new to bookshelves around the globe, but we've just discovered them so have to pass along the goodness! I checked and one of my favorite sites carries them. Amazon.com

As I read the following, I found myself laughing so hard there were tears rolling down my cheeks. This is my life and it's not funny. It's only a hunch but guessing here that Jack's family is pretty impressed with where he took his creativity. Impresses me! I'm going to end today's blog with this excerpt taken from his bio on his website:

"Jack Gantos was born in Mount Pleasant, Pennsylvania. He remembers playing a lot of “pass the chalk” in Mrs. Neiderheizer’s class in first grade. He was in the Bluebird reading group, which he later found out was for the slow readers. To this day he’d rather be called a Bluebird than a slow reader. His favorite game at that time was playing his clothes were on fire and rolling down a hill to save himself..."

ADHD 501

Currently I'm enrolled in a really challenging class. Juggling graduate courses with full-time teaching & mom duties, isn't that easy. But this "graduate course" isn't the typical type. It doesn't come with a set curriculum & the requirements keep changing without warning. I won't be given any certificate upon it's completion but I'm learning at least as much as I did in ANY of my college courses. It's called real life.

So often the biggest part of coping for me, includes perspective. One thing is certain, as a teacher, it has not hurt me to have a first-hand knowledge of what parents are going through with their ADHD kids! I like to think of Bobby as a capable tutor in the field of out-of-control behaviors. Have to say there are days when I'd like to drop the class but I'm in far-enough now that I'll go the distance. I'm not sure yet if it makes me better than I was in the classroom or just more compassionate and a bit less cynical.

I'm probably not the only teacher who has worked with ADHD kids and wondered at the back of my mind if the parents could be using more effective discipline or regulating schedules more appropriately. Were they doing everything they could to change this naughty behavior? If you haven't experienced this in your home, how can you really understand the battles from day-to-day? Walking a mile in someone's shoes helps with the understanding & though I don't understand what to do with many situations, I can look parents of my students straight in the eyes and say, "I understand what you are going through and I want all the best for your child as he/she is in my care." This is what "ADHD 501" is doing for me.

This Ain't Easy - Hang In There!

Being a parent isn't ever really simple, but when it's complicated by hyperactivity, rage & impulsivity, you're in over your head. The home, the kids, the school, work & bills all add up to exhaustion.  ADHD kids run in overdrive & before they learn the necessary skills to deal with life, everything seems completely out of control. What is a parent to do?

I don't know exactly what our future years hold, but I'm guessing we're on a challenging road. It will be easier on me if my husband and I have strong strategies in place for raising our son & good skills to pass along to him, so that HE feels more successful in this battle.

I'm a list-maker, so here's my punch list:

*Seek out professional help if/when necessary. (I'm eternally thankful for my doctor's support!)

*Make sure child has a doctor who is experienced with ADHD treatment.

*Spend daily time 1 on 1 with this child. Outdoor excercise is crucial!

*Get myself healthy - sleep, rest, exercise, meditation or prayer, nutrition & balance

*Keep my son on a fairly consistent schedule. This is crucial.

*Choose carefully my strongest support system....friends & family who will help me focus positively & objectively on my situation. It may be difficult, but if a family member or friend can't deal with your child or is a negative factor, limit the time. A parent has the right to do this.

*READ (I've read about 6 books and countless articles on ADHD so far. Even though some professionals' views differ, we can glean from all angles.)

*Journal (or blog)

*Laugh!!

*Make a list of child's strengths & be sure your child knows these!

 

If you're raising an ADHD kid, you need a strong support system around you. If you are doing this alone, have multiple kids with disabilities or are facing other "giants" in your life, WOW, you really need the support.

Parents have to gear-up when entering "Battle-Zone ADHD!" Hang in there!

"Don't Make Me Go Back - I Hate School!"

Christmas vacation is hours from over. School starts in the morning and we've been getting ourselves back into a bit of a "groove" today. Clothes ready & lunches made. Earlier shower and storytime routine. Talking about the changes tomorrow brings.

Out of nowhere but not a surprise, comes, "I hate school! I don't want to go back! Some kids are really mean!" Deep sigh. Time for Mom to gear up, but I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Our older kids generally enjoyed the excitement of returning to school after summer and holiday vacations but Bobby NEVER has. Ugh. I listened to his reasons and promised to hear him out. Then, something popped into my head. Brilliance I'd say. I called his bluff. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "We just can't have that any longer. We are through. I'll go request a transfer tomorrow morning and end this problem." I didn't blink or take my eyes off my son. His eyes grew big and he shut his mouth. "No Mom. Don't take me away from my school. I don't want to go to another school."  I continued, "No, you know Bobby. We don't want you to be where you aren't happy."  He was now almost in tears, pleading with me and promising a list of strategies that proved he DID HAVE good school skills. "I'll walk away. I'll tell the teacher. I won't tell you I hate school any more. Pleeease, Mom."

Well, that was all I needed. We wrote out the new plan. We also wrote a list of all the things that were fun in school. We noted the bullies were fewer than the friends & the teacher wasn't all that bad.  It was a good session with my strong-willed, negative-thinking, ADHD boy. I don't recommend calling kids' bluff like this all the time but for me it worked. Thank God!

"Yeah Right, You Didn't Do It"

Rapscallion, scoundrel, whippersnapper, hooligan - labels generally reserved for boys who are up to no good. They have established for themselves a reputation. My ADHD boy is fast, sneaky and naughty. I don't deny the charges. Honestly, I may have used one or two of those titles over the years as well. Unfortunately, everything that gets broken or is missing gets slammed on THEM. I'm learning to ask some questions before assuming Bobby has done the crime.

This morning I was driving him across town to hang out with a mentor-buddy for a few hours. I gave him my infamous "You behave, or else" speech. Out of the blue he began to tell me about  a time back several years when he went to a friend's house for an hour or two after school. I had heard this story before so was sorta zoning out when he came to some details I hadn't heard before. He told me how they were missing a game boy and were certain HE had taken it. (Not sure where they thought he had it. Pockets were empty.) But what he now remembers that I didn't know before was that he was sent to the couch in time out while not one, but both parents stood in front of him demanding he fess up. He recalls telling them over and over how he didn't have it and them not believing him.

I do remember the parent calling me to report all the drama of older child screaming through the house that my son had taken this thing. I promised if I got anything out of him I'm call. A few days later they let us know the game boy was found. Surprise - my son wasn't guilty.

Bobby was upset TODAY about this old story. I explained how they told me long ago it wasn't his fault and what he said hit me hard: "Mom, they never apologized to me." OUCH. He was right and I learned more lessons on this ADHD roller-coaster:

1) These kids have deep feelings.

2) They get blamed a lot for things they didn't do.

3) They should be heard.

4) He's not the only one who makes mistakes. (Great opportunity for me to teach him that everyone makes mistakes. Not just him!)
5) He can learn to forgive as well.

Here's to less blame & more forgiveness.

Christian Comedian Jeff Allen On ADHD

Hilarious! Sometimes ya just need to laugh. This ADHD road is intense and I'm becoming more and more aware of the need to stand back and see things from a different perspective. (Generally not when my son's awake.) My husband and I stumbled upon Jeff Allen's ADHD clips on YouTube. Jeff's material is ingenius & so much fun to watch.

He talks about taking one of his sons to kindergarten on the first day of school. The teacher said what most teachers say when they meet the parents for the first time. "We're going to have a great year!" He and his wife left laughing while planning to get an answering machine and not answering their phone between 9 and 3 for the rest of their lives. He then went on to tell about another day when the teacher called the house because his son was so out of control. Jeff said "Just let him out the back door. He'll come back when he's tired. That's what we do....." These are just a couple of the highlights. The YouTube version is wonderful!

When we were done watching we knew there are other people who truly understand. There are quite a few coping strategies for me....counselling, reading & the support of family and friends. But I think humor might be right up there near the top of that list! Awww, I'm laughing again!

The 5 Gifts of ADHD - (taken from Lara Honos-Webb's book)

Couldn't wait to FINALLY get this book primarily because of it's positive angle! "The Gift of ADHD," by Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D, will be at the top of my stack for a while. I can already tell I'm going to like it. She has a private practice in the San Francisco Bay area and has written several books. This particular book is available from: Barnes & Noble Book Store

Here are the "5 gifts of ADHD," according to Dr. Honos-Webb:
(I need to just take these in for a bit.)

1) creativity

2) attunement to nature

3) interpersonal intuition

4) energetic enthusiasm

5) emotional sensitivity

First off, I have to admit that if you told me a year ago that my son's ADHD was a "gift" I would have said, "If you think this is a gift, you come raise this kid!" But WOW! I can only imagine what this thinking would do for the self-esteem of ADHD kids everywhere, if the adults around them began looking at their issues in a different way. I must add that in no way do I desire to make light of the negative affects of ADHD in our kids and homes. These are real. I have for the past year however, for my own health and my son's, needed to take a hard look at ways to embrace his particular differences.

Here's the common generalization of ADHD kids:

1) Outspoken

2) Headstrong
3) Spun out of control
4) Destructive
5) Inattentive at school

Better go read this book........still pondering how to get this into the hands of every educator and discouraged parent out there!! Hmmm....  Here's to figuring out how to tap those COOL attributes of my tornado-boy!

All Things In Perspective

I wish things were easier in our home on a day-to-day basis. It would be so nice if Bobby listened & worked with us without so much resistance. I sure wish he wouldn't say things without thinking, especially in front of other people! Days would be easier if we weren't needing to be ahead of him continually. But as I look forward to 2011, I want to put things in perspective:

* We are dealing with something challenging but I'm thankful my son is healthy and not dealing with a terminal illness.

* He can see, hear, walk & talk. (Sometimes it would be nice if he walked and talked more slowly, but I'm putting things in perspective here!)

* He has 2 older sisters, brother & brother-in-law who all care deeply about him and watch out for his good.

* My husband and I have each other. I can't imagine doing this alone!

* Awareness of ADHD treatment & compassion is on the rise.

* Our son has healthy interests in life that occupy more and more of his time. Reading, History, Legos, Fishing.

It's all about perspective. My circumstances aren't changing any time soon. My focus could be on the negative, gloomy side or I can be a positive-thinking mom, shining the spotlight on the good stuff about this son I love so much! I want to choose the latter. (I'll forget all this positive-thinking stuff, I'm sure, but for today, I'm ok.)

30 Ideas for Teaching Children with AD/HD - by Leah Davies

Here is a website with list of 30 ideas for teachers, to assist them in working with ADHD children: Kellybear.com  There are 100 more complimentary teacher/counselor articles, parenting handouts, and children's activities located there. (Thanks for this information, Leah Davies!)

 

Insane Amounts of Arguing!

The battle lines are drawn as I take my position opposite my strong-willed 4th grader. In his mind I swear he pictures me as a speck on the carpet while he towers yards above me, all buff and tough. When he asks a question, I'd better have the "right" answer (his of course) or I'm going to have to stand my ground & prepare to battle to the finish. Well, that's what he thinks. He hasn't caught on to this yet but I went down this "Battle Strong-Will" path long before he ever did & he's met his match! This is kid #4 and I've learned to "pick my battles" but this is a kid who'll argue it's hot outside if it's snowing and 20 below zero. Relentless. I don't think most of his battles are anything worth arguing, but no matter - roll up your sleeves 'cuz he's gonna show you a thing or two.

It's frankly, driving me nuts. Picture it. I walk away pulling my hair out from my head insisting "you're making me crazy!!!" And, I think he believes me. 

What do you do with a kid who argues non-stop? Well, from what I've read, heard and experienced, oppositional-defiance is pretty common with ADHD kids. Here are some strategies I use:

1) Things I want done I state firmly, without asking his opinion. "Please set the table in 10 minutes" not "Could you set the table?"

2) When he asks for something, I don't immediately answer. I tell him I'm thinking about it. The COOL thing about this one is ADHD kids forget things and move on to something else, forgetting they had something to argue about! (I could put MONEY on this one!)

3) If  When he rudely addresses me with an argument I require he restate it in a different way, or go sit and think about another method. A nasty attitude gets him nothing.

4) I remain calm before dealing with his arguments. I couldn't do this with the first few kids!

5) Kids argue. They see it modeled (grin) and they copy. We have to teach them the proper way to have a voice.

Teaching them it's ok to have a voice but to use it properly, well, that takes time, strategic instruction & patience. I'm working on all three.