Sunday, January 2, 2011

"Don't Make Me Go Back - I Hate School!"

Christmas vacation is hours from over. School starts in the morning and we've been getting ourselves back into a bit of a "groove" today. Clothes ready & lunches made. Earlier shower and storytime routine. Talking about the changes tomorrow brings.

Out of nowhere but not a surprise, comes, "I hate school! I don't want to go back! Some kids are really mean!" Deep sigh. Time for Mom to gear up, but I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Our older kids generally enjoyed the excitement of returning to school after summer and holiday vacations but Bobby NEVER has. Ugh. I listened to his reasons and promised to hear him out. Then, something popped into my head. Brilliance I'd say. I called his bluff. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "We just can't have that any longer. We are through. I'll go request a transfer tomorrow morning and end this problem." I didn't blink or take my eyes off my son. His eyes grew big and he shut his mouth. "No Mom. Don't take me away from my school. I don't want to go to another school."  I continued, "No, you know Bobby. We don't want you to be where you aren't happy."  He was now almost in tears, pleading with me and promising a list of strategies that proved he DID HAVE good school skills. "I'll walk away. I'll tell the teacher. I won't tell you I hate school any more. Pleeease, Mom."

Well, that was all I needed. We wrote out the new plan. We also wrote a list of all the things that were fun in school. We noted the bullies were fewer than the friends & the teacher wasn't all that bad.  It was a good session with my strong-willed, negative-thinking, ADHD boy. I don't recommend calling kids' bluff like this all the time but for me it worked. Thank God!


Nf1andprek-whisper said...

hi, I follow adhd momma blog and today I promised myself a few extra minutes on there and I found you... My son cried about going back to school for 6 hours yesterday.. I felt like a crazy person.. trying to jump thru hoops,, and give him redirection, and bribes.. and talks... I hope you and I can talk and comiserate together.. I feel alone.

Nf1andprek-whisper said...

ps.. that wouldn't work for my 5 year old.. but it was very smart. I did make a list of things we like about school.. thanks to you... how old is your son?

Charlotte said...

I understand very well, alone. Trust me. If you have the time, go back and read some earlier blogs such as "Depleated" and "Enduring Gradeschool" to name some that pertain. Are you able to go to his school & volunteer a little so he can see you? (As a mom I recommend it but as a 1st grade teacher I say keep it to a minimum & something to look forward a few days too. They need their routine.) I wish I could say this would ever be "easy" but with a few good tools, you will smile again. Hang in there. A LOT of moms are going thru this. ~charlotte