It's Getting Easier - Fact Or Fiction?

FACT! Either we have a calm-before-the-storm situation here or Bobby truly is growing out of much of his naughty behavior. Only time will tell, but for now we are embracing this with everything we've got! Have to admit it's an unfamiliar path. So many things on a daily basis are different. Traveling has always been fun with him but this last road-trip was perfect. No question! He's a normal boy with prankster blood running through him but he has a brother and sister with that trait so we chalk it up to the family-link! When calling the front desk from our hotel room recently, he grinned as he said "thank you" at the end of his call, promptly adding "I love you" just for kicks. He burst into laughter after slamming the phone down quickly. No time outs. No restitution. Even a couple of smiles from Mom and Dad who were a bit surprised! I suppose if Bobby begins saying "I love you" to everyone he meets we may intercede but something tells us this was his impulsivity at work & no harm was done.

Nothing was stolen. No damage was done to anything. I don't remember any out-of-control arguing. Bobby even mentioned on the way home he thought he was maturing.  Today he did normal chores without protest & confessed to something he had done when we weren't looking.  Truly this is something unique we've been seeing in the past 3 weeks or so. (While exercising is not known in any research study to "cure" ADHD, I find it keenly interesting that our regular family bicycling began about 6 wks ago!)

Is Bobby still ADHD? Definitely. He is showing the ability though, to think about things before he says or does them. Something we have discussed/yelled/preached ad nauseum over the past 8 years. It's "sinking in" is what we're thinking.  In one of his worst situations which is crowds of people (any number over 3 or 4!) he still shows his frustration in negative ways at times. However, even that is improving.

I'm not saying our path through the future will be lined with roses or that our son has magically turned into a completely different child. We are simply choosing to see the POSITIVE that comes along, especially since there's been SO much negative dealing with ADHD & Oppositional Defiance in this busy boy.  Things look really good right now. Embracing it!

Boys Love Bows-N-Arrows!

"Mom, look what I made!! LOOK WHAT I MADE!!"  Bobby shouted at me as I dragged myself out of my car at the end of a busy school day. His excitement brought true joy to my heart! I stopped in the yard to watch him shoot his dull arrow out of a homemade broom-handle & bungee cord bow. Grandpa's "real" bow set has nothing on this new one of Bobby's! (He drools over grandpa's every time we're at his house!) My mind shot back a few years to his other homemade bows & arrows which all looked adorable but only "dropped" the arrows straight down onto the ground. I'm thinking with our recent departure from gaming systems, Bobby has lots more free time to be creative. Excellent. Results we hoped for!

At this point his primary goal is distance. No pets or windows have been harmed & he's plenty satisfied with seeing how much further he can shoot. For now, this is a good activity but I'm not going to be stupid about it. ADHD kids shift gears rapidly based on boredom. If his attention shifts from distance to injury & damage, the bow and arrow set will magically disappear.  Right now, arrow-shooting is the favorite activity. I'm good with this!

ADHD Lad Meets Antiquated Activity

Once upon a time....there were children who had no televisions, no gaming systems & yet no boredom. These children were much like today's youth yet driven to use a bit more creativity in their play. This summer our home is stepping back in time. Not very far back. Alas, the television will remain, with it's 3 fuzzy channels. But we will desperately try to enter the time zone prior to gaming systems. (Yikes! Can we do it?) Our 10 year old has informed us this is unthinkable yet we think it will happen. He looked as though his life was ending. He is certain this is not "cool." We have just scratched the surface today and compiled a list of vaguely familiar activities & we look forward to begin checking them off one-by-one. The basic premise is: More family time & more creative time. These are wonderful sports (enjoyed still by teams & leagues around the globe) & activities here. Unfortunately, gaming has invaded family time that once was also spent doing these things!

Our List: basketball, foosball, bowling, swimming, soccer, tetherball, frisbee, air hockey, waterskiing, hiking, football, roller-blading, barbecues, backyard parties, trampoline, tetherball, frisbee, backpacking, skateboard, taking skateboard apart & putting it back together (that's an activity!), baseball, park, slip-n-slide, sailing, fishing with net, fishing with pole, gardening, cooking, baking, chores (a few), pets, riding bike, air soft gun, table games, puzzles, legos, toys, building a fort, digging a cave, fixing motorcyle, riding motorcycle, camping, road trip, roller skating, playing piano, climbing wall, rock wall, water park, write to grandparents, horseback riding, photography, concerts, geocaching, boating, rafting, boomerang, science camp, kites, rock collecting, museums, scavenger hunts, snorkeling, arts & crafts, hide & seek, model rockets, capture the flag, kick the can, volleyball, marco polo, marbles, some movies, balloon fights, volunteering, zoo, build something, visit farms etc....

We will leave the systems locked up for the summer, effective immediately. Though the very statement sounds dark and foreboding, our hopes are that we have a GREAT time together making memories!

P.S. We do still remain (obviously here) connected to the outside world. Simply searching for ways to combine healthy activity & productivity with our family life. Two years ago, these game systems weren't part of our home & we think we may like it better that way. We'll see!
One week down. Nobody is complaining. Lots of outdoor play & fishing for activities!

Now Who's Exhausted? Huh? Huh?

"Mom, slow down!" and "Mom, I can't peddle another block!" are some of my favorite phrases these days. After 10 years of desperately trying to catch my hyperactive & willful child, I can honestly say "I'M GETTING EVEN!"  First step was to get some bikes.  A few more supplies and we were rolling.  That was 3 weeks ago & since then we've logged 75 cycling miles & had lots of family fun!

I love my son to the moon and back in spite of the continual agony he puts me through. All moms "get" that. But quite frankly, I'm enjoying the current game of exhausting him!

Last weekend, bikes on the car rack & helmets, water bottles & a few granola bars tossed in the back seat, we dashed off for a neighboring town that boasts fine riding paths. We would ride from one park over to another by the bridge and back. Our toughest goal yet - a 25 mile ride! The path started out flat & fine but then came a few good hills. Around mile 12 Bobby reported from behind me, "I can't take any more of this." (Hmm, sounds like something I've said once or twice.) I pretended not to hear. He can run the property from sun-up to sundown & still take 2 hours to go to sleep so I have no doubts it won't kill him to keep riding. I see the bridge less than a mile out. We'll make it to our goal. He shouts a few more times into the wind and as my husband rides up near me I ask him if it's bad to feel glad we're FINALLY able to tire Bobby out? We share a laugh and ride on. Fortunately, this path ends near a skate park & fishing pond. Bingo! He's forgotten his sore muscles and checks out the cool park amenities.

On the second half of our journey we stop a couple times to look out over the river & grab a snack. We ride into the park exhilarated by a 25 mile evening challenge. Exercise hasn't done any permanent damage & we quickly add the miles to our ride log. Just spent 3 hours together with no screens (tv, computer, gaming). Bobby hasn't destroyed anything & everyone's happy. Bicycling seems to be our current cure for ADHD. Lovin' it!

The Pepper Street "Gang"

Stories are a big part of our bedtime routine. Bobby loves baseball & history. Tonight we read a story about Jackie Robinson's tough beginnings. The story detailed his teen years and time spent with the "Pepper Street Gang." This rough group of youth wasted their days away throwing rotten fruit at passing cars and swimming in the city water reservoir where "No Swimming" signs were posted! (Tragic teen behavior!) One day a teacher of his took him aside and told him, "Only first-class suckers allow others to lead them into doing what they don't want to do. It takes guts to stand on your own two feet."  Jackie thought a lot about what his teacher had said and decided right then he didn't want to follow the wrong crowd any more. He began setting worthwhile goals & achieving them!

Jackie Robinson's baseball career is legendary as he was the first African-American major league baseball player. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1962. Pretty good goal-setting! Bobby listened quietly to the story & I'm hoping he learned some lessons from Jackie. Maybe when he's a teen he won't spend his free time throwing rotten fruit!

 

Loose Canon on Wheels!

Over the years I've read the warnings to parents about ADHD kids' safety or lack thereof. Seems many of them, or maybe the majority of these kids are reckless to say the least. None of that reading prepared me for my first journey into the world of bike-riding with my highly-impulsive 10 year old! We live outside city limits where homes have pastures between them and few cars drive by. Bobby has experienced bike-riding only in this setting....up until last week.

Ready for a new family hobby, the guys fixed up used bikes & I bought a new one. We dug out the helmets & bought our first bike rack for the back of the car. Off to town we headed, to ride bikes in seemingly quiet neighborhoods. I was pretty excited about this new venture, thinking the exercise and fresh air would be great for us all. Bobby would need a little guidance to get started but I really didn't think that would involve more than, "Stay on the right" and "Watch for cars." Wrong! I spent the first mile yelling into the wind, "GET YOUR FEET OFF THE HANDLEBARS!" Once he began using the pedals correctly, it was a myriad of unforseen issues such as riding in circles around me, swerving into me when passing me on the right & failing to come to complete stop at the signs. Where was his father? His back tire needed more air so we started without him. What could go wrong? After "we" improved our skills in a fairly quiet neighborhood, I decided to take him just a few more miles. Everything was going well when I turned left onto a side street and Bobby missed my cue. He was gone. We had no "game plan" for if we got separated so he chose to find his way back to the car on his own, crossing a busy street in the process. Sure, he made it ok, but we've put a back-up plan in place for next time we get separated. 

Enjoying the family bike time. Rode 20 miles yesterday along a beautiful country bike path. No cars or dogs! ADHD kids DO need strong guidance in the safety arena but with that all in place....they burn piles of wild-child energy & enjoy valuable time with Dad & Mom! Ok, Bobby, where are we headed next?

ADHD Bedroom/Disaster Zone

I can ignore my kids' bedrooms for quite some time, but there does come a point when I simply cannot pass the doorway without beginning to envision a cleaning spree. Today's my day off but rather than catch a few extra winks and eat a leisurely breakfast, I chose to bolt out of bed and begin sorting the chaos that is Bobby's bedroom! After a few trips to the garbage bin, scrubbing sticky goodness-knows-what gunk off the chair & desk, and adding 27 crumpled socks to the laundry pile, I'm fairly pleased. (I only wish I knew where those 3 frogs went!)

My son's ADHD makes it almost impossible for him to keep anything "sorted" or "organized." I've watched him try to use the labeled baskets & bins over the years but he simply can't stick to it. We've found that storing a good share of his toys in a locked closet helps so much. From time-to-time we swap out those toys & it's like Christmas all over again!

Today we begin again with a clean area. I warned him ahead of time I was "going in" so he won't be shocked when he gets home from school. The disaster zone command center is ready for my boy. Now, where's my breakfast?

"I Won't Let Go," Rascal Flatts

This song goes straight to my heart every time I hear it. We all face "fights" in life ~ loss and troubles of many kinds. My fight isn't harder than others, but it is very real, difficult & sometimes even painful. Hearing the words in this song gives me hope. Knowing that people care means more than anything in this world. Rascal Flatts, thanks for the lyrics to your fairly new hit:

Rascal Flatts - I Won’t Let Go Lyrics
It’s like a storm,
That cuts a path.
It breaks your will.
It feels like that.
You think you're lost,
But you're not lost on your own.
You're not alone.
I will stand by you.
I will help you through.
When you’ve done all you can do.
If you can’t cope,
I will dry your eyes.
I will fight your fight.
I will hold you tight,
And I wont let go.
It hurts my heart,
To see you cry.
I know it’s dark,
This part of life.
Oh it finds us all,
And we’re too small,
To stop the rain.
Oh but when it rains...
I will stand by you.
I will help you through.
When you’ve done all you can do,
And you can’t cope,
I will dry your eyes.
I will fight your fight.
I will hold you tight,
And I wont let you fall.
Don’t be afraid to fall.
I’m right here to catch you.
I won't let you down.
It won't get you down.
You're gonna make it.
Yeah, I know you can make it,
'Cause I will stand by you.
I will help you through.
When you’ve done all you can do,
And you can’t cope.
And I will dry your eyes.
I will fight your fight.
I will hold you tight,
And I wont let go.
Oh I’m gonna hold you,
And I won't let go.
Won't let you go.
No I won't.

Beautiful, meaningful words, Rascal Flatts!

Fast-Paced Kids In A Fast-Paced World

If you can hold still long enough to really process the following thought,  it could possibly make some sense. Many of our fast-paced kids come from fast-paced adults and a hurricane-paced society. Seriously, we adults - the ones they look up to, are dashing around at lightning-speed with our gadgets that don't let us get a second away from anything. We work several jobs, while running errands and eating on the go in between those jobs. Somehow, in the craziness, we are trying our best to raise well-adjusted kids who can sit still and remain calm while we zip about. We pride ourselves in owning everything that's needed to track our lifestyles and it's all branded "multifunctioning" like us! Family time consists of more and more meals around the big-screen t.v., shuffling rapidly through 150 channels while keeping a couple favorites in small side screens. (Darn it. If I can work 3 jobs I should be able to watch 3 shows at once.) Toss in a couple of laptops and our "family time" is complete.

And then there's entertainment: Game Cube, Xbox, DS, Wii, Nintendo 64, Game Boy, Game Boy Advance. I'm behind on all the latest but it's generally not "Monopoly" and "Slap Jack." Wow! My heart rate increased just writing all this!

We cannot think to change society's speed and drive at this point. Neither can we force our kids to live a different pace than we choose. I do not discredit the real affects of clinical ADHD. I do not suggest for a moment that the only factor in our kids' issues here is our pace. That would be to trivialize something larger than life. But as I sat still for 20 minutes this evening, I wondered if maybe 5% of Bobby's rate of motion comes from keeping up with us? And maybe, just maybe, if we keep looking for ways to "get away from it all," and relax in nature, he will benefit too.

Step Aside "Reality" TV!

Seriously, what would any of the current "Reality" TV shows have on MY reality? No, I wouldn't want cameras in every room of my home, nor would I want my son to think for a second that his behavior was worthy of entertainment, but for a few minutes today my girlfriend's idea was novel. One of my closest friends in middle school and I reconnected today. We talked like we hadn't missed a year and it had been 30 years!We talked about her 3 kids and my four. Each one with their special qualities. We discussed husbands, jobs & life in general....which led to a deeper discussion. She asked about my youngest child. Everything in the conversation became heavier and she accurately sensed the overwhelming feelings I have raising this child. Her support was so sweet but it was her last suggestion that still has me smiling. "You guys really need to turn this into a reality tv show!" I gasped and then laughed out loud. Amazing thoughts people have when they are looking in at us! Her thoughts were genuine I could tell and I felt validated to hear her say, "You two are experienced parents who work incredibly hard to guide this child and he is trying to stump you at every turn! A show would be every bit as entertaining as the other Reality shows out there today."  Hmmm, the only time I've thought of cameras in this house was for tracking Bobby, so this was intriguing, but for now we'll just pretend we're celebrities and continue entertaining our "live" audiences at school & in the community! (We could change our minds in the future though, Lisa - thanks for the fun suggestion!!)

ADHD & Church

If you have never taken an ADHD child to church and you're thinking about it... plan well! Some families have made regular church-attendance a part of their routine but even if it's a routine, it isn't easy with a bouncing, darting child in a place of worship. I do not recommend "dropping off" this child in a kids' class and walking away. Get to know the teachers just as you would in his/her school classroom. And, in all fairness to the teachers, let them know about your child's special needs. Often times church division teachers do not have a lot of training or experience working with kids with high needs but they are wonderful teachers. Your child needs to feel successful or he will not want to return. If he or she is unsuccessful and always in trouble for a long period of time your child may never want to enter a church again. This really isn't what you're going for!

Some churches are more formal than others. One isn't in general better than the other, but for the ADHD child, less formality might be better. Don't be afraid to let trusted people in on your need for help with your child. These people will offer high-fives, smiles & greetings when others may be so overwhelmed they can't engage him. The less formal congregation may even allow this child to carry out roles traditionally offered to adults...ie helping out in the service.

Stay with your child as much as possible and consider taking along a good book or quiet activity your child enjoys as well as a small snack (non-messy one & only if it's allowed). These things will occupy time and keep child calm during your worship experience. (Also keeps him from dropping things from the balcony & running through the baptistry!)

Change is difficult but if your child isn't successful in church it might be time to re-evaluate his needs and match them up with the right experience.

HiDe ThE kNiVeS?

Are we still talking about ADHD? Still? Curiosity, impulsitivity & lack of reasonable control are the bywords of my daily life and yet there are days I really believe we've taken a step forward into maturity. Then we plunge 3 steps back.

If I didn't need my kitchen knives for chopping and slicing, I'd just get rid of them. I want to lock them up but how helpful is that in teaching my son self- control (as well as very inconvenient for me!)

Boys love knives. I'll never get it but it's a fact. That's why I gave my son pocket knives. Just so he could cut sticks and stuff outside. Not my living room furniture. Not the dining room stool. And not with my knives!

There have to be consequences. Lose the pocket knives for a while. And...he should spend the day outside. Kids that destroy furniture probably shouldn't sit on the furniture and watch movies or play the wii. No indoor playtime during daylight hours for a week. Plus, he's going to work off some $$ for the damages.

Bobby's the caboose in our family but if he thinks for a minute I'm out of ideas or energy...he better think again!!! He has met his match! (Matches - another topic!)