Road Trip Wild Guy!

Weekends can be a recipe for disaster at our house so as often as possible, we're filling them with action & fun! I'd really like a long boring day, listening to music and baking cookies, but that's a rare experience in my home.  Bobby had been doing relatively well in school for the past few weeks (just a 7 on the richter scale instead of 10) but life happens and this week has been rougher at home and school. So......pack the overnight bags and off we go! I'm soloing this one which I've done many times so there's really no "down time" for me this weekend.

Something about the rapidly changing scene out the windows and the mystery of where we'll end up and what we'll do, seems to calm this kid tremendously. He loves museums and historical spots (which his older siblings never did - amazingly) so we can actually educate him while taming his ceaseless energy.

Bobby says I'm taking him to Cabela's while we're here. I'd be almost as excited to get a tooth pulled but this is what HE enjoys and when you've got a busy boy.....ya gotta do what he wants to do as well! (Maybe we'll swap for a fast run through the mall when we're done looking at guy stuff!)

For me, this journey is about understanding, learning & being truly happy. I'm learning, seeking to understand and believe I am truly happy (most of the time!)

"I'm On Your Team!"

I've been down the ADHD path as a teacher but it doesn't begin to compare to traveling this road as the parent.  There's no PhD or Md after my name. Nor do I pretend to understand the science of this disease  disorder.  But I have studied the day-to-day ins and outs of coping with ADHD in the home. I've read until my eyeballs popped & I have listened to the stories of other parents who are trying to navigate this journey. It is because of this exposure and experience that I believe I am fully qualified to make a generalization about improving the self-esteem and functionality of ADHD kids. Here it is...

These kids need people around them who are ON THEIR TEAM! Who believe in them regardless. These people are older student mentors, parents of other kids, preachers, grandparents, coaches, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, teachers & principals. I believe that improvement WILL BE SEEN in the kids who have this strong support system in place. No question. The more team players....the stronger the team. I'm not delusional. I know these folk SEE his naughtiness ---but they love him in spite of it!

Bobby has a long road ahead of him but he's going to bed happy more often than angry or sad these days. I tribute the "team players" for this improvement. May every ADHD kiddo be surrounded by such a team.

Where Many Entrepreneurs Get Their Start......

One of my first blogs was about Entrepreneurs and the label they had in common. Just a hunch they didn't sit still in 4th grade Math class.  And look where they are today! Bringing back a favorite blog, to maybe offer hope to another mom....

I've been reading about entrepreneurs & celebrities who admit to having ADHD.  Actor Jim Carrey  soared to the top of my suspicions long ago  & Ty Pennington of "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition" in  more recent years, just proved to me that energy, if channeled correctly, could go far to bless others. I remind myself that they are successful because of that out-of-control energy level & out-of-the-box thinking that are synonymous with ADHD.  Were these celebrities & entrepreneurs tough to raise? I don't know but I'm guessing their mothers' blogs would have looked something like mine or just maybe crazier!

The following excerpt is from Psychology Today, "7 Habits of Highly Successful Entrepreneurs with ADHD," written by  Shane K. Perrault, PhD who is the Coach and Psychologist at Entrepreneurs with ADHD:

"Believe it or Not, people with ADHD are 300% more likely to start their own business (see The Davinci Method, by Garret Loporto), and many business leaders have ADHD. To name a few accomplished business people with ADHD:

• Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines.
• John T. Chambers, CEO of Cisco Systems.
• Ingvar Kamprad, Swedish founder and chairman of IKEA stores
• David Neeleman, founder and CEO of Jet Blue Airways.
• Paul Orfalea, the founder of Kinkos.
• Charles Schwab, the founder, chairperson, and CEO of the Charles Schwab Corporation, the largest brokerage firm in the U.S."

I've decided this is exciting - It's tough raising my future CEO but I'm really getting excited about what's ahead!

Surprise! It's Not All About The Kids?

In this day and age, I'm not sure it's politically correct to say that but it is true. I have spent the past 10 years putting the majority of my energy into my son's needs. (The other 3 kids are mostly grown but they still could use a bit more of our time!)  He's ADHD so we have to examine his diet, his meds, be sure he has the best physician for his needs. Seems like we're always meeting with the teachers & spending extra hours listening to the problems he has created outside the home. This doesn't even figure in all the mornings of trying to get him through his routine and out the door in time for a school day he's not too jazzed about.  Evenings and weekends are full & generally pretty crazy. This routine just cycles around and around throughout the months and years. Honestly, we're exhausted. A year ago, I was completely drained & filled with sadness and despair.

And before one jumps to the conclusion I'm alone in this and an unloving mother.....let me say I'm certain I'm speaking for every conscientious mom who has raised or is raising an ADHD child! And, we couldn't love these kids more! We are their parents and this is our God-given responsibility. We take it seriously.

But we need rejuvenating. We need quiet alone times and fun times with friends. We need listening ears & patient families and friends. These are basic needs that allow us to be healthier.  I've been on a quest to discover coping skills. This began a year ago and today I can say confidently, I am in a better state of mind.  Still drained but loving life & my precious son. I'd like to think I'm a better mom because I'm taking time for me. Proud to be your mom, Bobby. Love you!

"Fixing His Bike"

There are bike parts all over the driveway. Apparently when you run over a nail, the entire bike needs to come apart to see exactly what needs fixing. And, when you're just 10 it's pretty hard to navigate your way back to a whole bike. So...just keep unscrewing stuff. And unscrewing stuff....and unscrewing the last screws & bolts that assemble that bike. Suddenly, you are "finished." Now try to put it back together. If it doesn't work, toss the whole lot into the pile headed for the scrap yard. I wandered by several times as I took care of farm animals. Each time I said, "you probably shouldn't take any more off that bike," he told me everything was under control. What do I know? I'm just a mom. I do know one thing. Even though he was getting too big for that bike, we had NO intentions of replacing it yet. Taking it completely apart without guidance or permission isn't cool. And, now that Dad's seen his "scrap" pile, there won't be a new bike coming out of our budget. I overheard something about "using your head" and "not destroying a good bike" in their conversation. I left that one for Dad.

Awww, impulsivity, curiosity & determination aren't always a good combination. Someday, his curiosity & determination minus the impulsivity may be more effective. In the meantime, Bobby will need to get a job if he ever wants another bike. He could use his skateboard. It's still in one piece (for now)!

A Day Without Adderall!!!??!!

Unbelieveable! Parents really CHOOSE to do this sort of thing?  I was running late to work and remembered the little blue pill when I was close to his school. There was no turning around and there were no back-up sources. Just had to let him go. I decided not to remind Bobby he hadn't taken his pill due to the fact that I felt he'd act out and think he had an excuse to do so.

This particular day was a half-day so that part was a blessing. Sounds like he really didn't raise too many red flags either. But when it came back to hit me was later that day when I was organizing a kids' skit. It was practice time and he had not one stitch of calm in his body. There wasn't a moment in that 30-minute practice, that my son held still. He talked non-stop, while bouncing from one spot to the next the entire time! 

I've thought of taking a day off from meds before, but we're gonna wait until it's a day that we don't need to focus on ANYTHING!

Do your days sometimes (or often) run like this? You're not alone in the battle.  Scroll a few inches down the right side bar to "My Blog Titles."  Maybe something there will be familiar!!

Simple Invitation/Heart-rending Reaction

It couldn't have happened at a better time. Bobby has regular ups and downs in this journey but as he approaches pre-adolescence, we're hearing more and more about how he wants to fit in with the other kids. Wants to be accepted. Craves positive attention. That's why he was so excited when one of the older kids invited him home for dinner after church. Aside from family & people we've asked to watch him here and there, Bobby hasn't been invited home after church to spend time in another home. I could tell he was surprised and hopeful that we'd say yes. Nice family. Good kids. A quiet meal & afternoon drive with our older son was in our very near future! OF COURSE we said yes! Bobby had to get some jeans & tennis shoes first, so we headed home for the quick change. His buddies would be stopping by shortly to pick him up. What followed was something that nearly brought tears to my eyes. After changing, Bobby grabbed the binoculars in the living room and sat down to see if he could spot the highway from our home. It was quite the sight-Bobby all ready to go with his jacket on, staring out the window toward the highway. (I don't think he could see the highway, but he was ready when they arrived in the driveway!)

Today made a difference in our son's life. He has many, many people who love him and go to bat for him but today, a special family took a step so many would find overwhelming. They opened their home and welcomed him in. He won't forget this soon! I never will. Thank you, friends.

"Joey Pigza" books, by Jack Gantos

Some exciting books have flown onto my radar today: "Joey Pigza Loses Control" & "Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key," two in a series by Jack Gantos. These were recommended by our oldest daughter. Few know our youngest child, Bobby, as well as his older siblings and our daughter stumbled upon these this week. Of course, she knew we'd appreciate hearing about them. The books by Jack Gantos, in this series, are geared toward 3rd - 6th or 7th graders. Joey Pigza is a busy kid, and as you've probably guessed, has some BIG problems.

Mr. Gantos also has a series for younger kids: ("The Rotten Ralph Rotten Readers")  & I tried one out today on my first grade class. Put it this way, they've fallen in love with Rotten Ralph, a very naughty cat who's always getting into trouble and they gave this book two thumbs up!

These books aren't new to bookshelves around the globe, but we've just discovered them so have to pass along the goodness! I checked and one of my favorite sites carries them. Amazon.com

As I read the following, I found myself laughing so hard there were tears rolling down my cheeks. This is my life and it's not funny. It's only a hunch but guessing here that Jack's family is pretty impressed with where he took his creativity. Impresses me! I'm going to end today's blog with this excerpt taken from his bio on his website:

"Jack Gantos was born in Mount Pleasant, Pennsylvania. He remembers playing a lot of “pass the chalk” in Mrs. Neiderheizer’s class in first grade. He was in the Bluebird reading group, which he later found out was for the slow readers. To this day he’d rather be called a Bluebird than a slow reader. His favorite game at that time was playing his clothes were on fire and rolling down a hill to save himself..."

ADHD 501

Currently I'm enrolled in a really challenging class. Juggling graduate courses with full-time teaching & mom duties, isn't that easy. But this "graduate course" isn't the typical type. It doesn't come with a set curriculum & the requirements keep changing without warning. I won't be given any certificate upon it's completion but I'm learning at least as much as I did in ANY of my college courses. It's called real life.

So often the biggest part of coping for me, includes perspective. One thing is certain, as a teacher, it has not hurt me to have a first-hand knowledge of what parents are going through with their ADHD kids! I like to think of Bobby as a capable tutor in the field of out-of-control behaviors. Have to say there are days when I'd like to drop the class but I'm in far-enough now that I'll go the distance. I'm not sure yet if it makes me better than I was in the classroom or just more compassionate and a bit less cynical.

I'm probably not the only teacher who has worked with ADHD kids and wondered at the back of my mind if the parents could be using more effective discipline or regulating schedules more appropriately. Were they doing everything they could to change this naughty behavior? If you haven't experienced this in your home, how can you really understand the battles from day-to-day? Walking a mile in someone's shoes helps with the understanding & though I don't understand what to do with many situations, I can look parents of my students straight in the eyes and say, "I understand what you are going through and I want all the best for your child as he/she is in my care." This is what "ADHD 501" is doing for me.

This Ain't Easy - Hang In There!

Being a parent isn't ever really simple, but when it's complicated by hyperactivity, rage & impulsivity, you're in over your head. The home, the kids, the school, work & bills all add up to exhaustion.  ADHD kids run in overdrive & before they learn the necessary skills to deal with life, everything seems completely out of control. What is a parent to do?

I don't know exactly what our future years hold, but I'm guessing we're on a challenging road. It will be easier on me if my husband and I have strong strategies in place for raising our son & good skills to pass along to him, so that HE feels more successful in this battle.

I'm a list-maker, so here's my punch list:

*Seek out professional help if/when necessary. (I'm eternally thankful for my doctor's support!)

*Make sure child has a doctor who is experienced with ADHD treatment.

*Spend daily time 1 on 1 with this child. Outdoor excercise is crucial!

*Get myself healthy - sleep, rest, exercise, meditation or prayer, nutrition & balance

*Keep my son on a fairly consistent schedule. This is crucial.

*Choose carefully my strongest support system....friends & family who will help me focus positively & objectively on my situation. It may be difficult, but if a family member or friend can't deal with your child or is a negative factor, limit the time. A parent has the right to do this.

*READ (I've read about 6 books and countless articles on ADHD so far. Even though some professionals' views differ, we can glean from all angles.)

*Journal (or blog)

*Laugh!!

*Make a list of child's strengths & be sure your child knows these!

 

If you're raising an ADHD kid, you need a strong support system around you. If you are doing this alone, have multiple kids with disabilities or are facing other "giants" in your life, WOW, you really need the support.

Parents have to gear-up when entering "Battle-Zone ADHD!" Hang in there!

"Don't Make Me Go Back - I Hate School!"

Christmas vacation is hours from over. School starts in the morning and we've been getting ourselves back into a bit of a "groove" today. Clothes ready & lunches made. Earlier shower and storytime routine. Talking about the changes tomorrow brings.

Out of nowhere but not a surprise, comes, "I hate school! I don't want to go back! Some kids are really mean!" Deep sigh. Time for Mom to gear up, but I really don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Our older kids generally enjoyed the excitement of returning to school after summer and holiday vacations but Bobby NEVER has. Ugh. I listened to his reasons and promised to hear him out. Then, something popped into my head. Brilliance I'd say. I called his bluff. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "We just can't have that any longer. We are through. I'll go request a transfer tomorrow morning and end this problem." I didn't blink or take my eyes off my son. His eyes grew big and he shut his mouth. "No Mom. Don't take me away from my school. I don't want to go to another school."  I continued, "No, you know Bobby. We don't want you to be where you aren't happy."  He was now almost in tears, pleading with me and promising a list of strategies that proved he DID HAVE good school skills. "I'll walk away. I'll tell the teacher. I won't tell you I hate school any more. Pleeease, Mom."

Well, that was all I needed. We wrote out the new plan. We also wrote a list of all the things that were fun in school. We noted the bullies were fewer than the friends & the teacher wasn't all that bad.  It was a good session with my strong-willed, negative-thinking, ADHD boy. I don't recommend calling kids' bluff like this all the time but for me it worked. Thank God!

"Yeah Right, You Didn't Do It"

Rapscallion, scoundrel, whippersnapper, hooligan - labels generally reserved for boys who are up to no good. They have established for themselves a reputation. My ADHD boy is fast, sneaky and naughty. I don't deny the charges. Honestly, I may have used one or two of those titles over the years as well. Unfortunately, everything that gets broken or is missing gets slammed on THEM. I'm learning to ask some questions before assuming Bobby has done the crime.

This morning I was driving him across town to hang out with a mentor-buddy for a few hours. I gave him my infamous "You behave, or else" speech. Out of the blue he began to tell me about  a time back several years when he went to a friend's house for an hour or two after school. I had heard this story before so was sorta zoning out when he came to some details I hadn't heard before. He told me how they were missing a game boy and were certain HE had taken it. (Not sure where they thought he had it. Pockets were empty.) But what he now remembers that I didn't know before was that he was sent to the couch in time out while not one, but both parents stood in front of him demanding he fess up. He recalls telling them over and over how he didn't have it and them not believing him.

I do remember the parent calling me to report all the drama of older child screaming through the house that my son had taken this thing. I promised if I got anything out of him I'm call. A few days later they let us know the game boy was found. Surprise - my son wasn't guilty.

Bobby was upset TODAY about this old story. I explained how they told me long ago it wasn't his fault and what he said hit me hard: "Mom, they never apologized to me." OUCH. He was right and I learned more lessons on this ADHD roller-coaster:

1) These kids have deep feelings.

2) They get blamed a lot for things they didn't do.

3) They should be heard.

4) He's not the only one who makes mistakes. (Great opportunity for me to teach him that everyone makes mistakes. Not just him!)
5) He can learn to forgive as well.

Here's to less blame & more forgiveness.