ADHD & "Pet Therapy"

We're parents on a mission to raise a busy guy. There's no claim to fame on knowing the ins and outs of all possible courses of therapy. But facts are facts. The more time we spend keeping our guy busy, the better-off everyone is. The busier the day, the better he sleeps that night. We've had a variety of pets over the years:

The fairly usual family pets~ dogs, cats, fish & guinea pigs.

Some farm animals ~ bummer lambs, baby goats, baby chicks & bunnies.

(Right now we've got 2 bummer lambs that were just hours & days old when they were given to us. We bottle feed them every 5 or 6 hours & Bobby LOVES his baby lambs. We'll sell them this summer to cover our costs, basically.)

All the animals have been fun & allowed our kids a chance to learn basic caring skills. This winter Dad & Bobby have spent every bit of their spare time reading up on bee-keeping. They've searched for good deals in equipment & suits to wear. They are set. As soon as winter is over they'll begin this venture. It has been an amazing experience watching as Dad & son bond through a love for something new & exciting!

We aren't kidding anyone. Our son isn't just "busy." He has been diagnosed with a real disability that sometimes wreaks havoc on the child, family & all around them. We have chosen to have Bobby take medication in addition to all of the behavior "plans" we embark upon.  We've found that having pets, for us, definitely IS a successful treatment/therapy. We aren't following a set program developed specifically for ADHD kids by health care professionals. We get to live in the country on a few acres with a couple animal pens & we use what we have to help our youngest child. It works. Sure love you, Bobby. Thanks for keeping us on our toes & out of trouble!
Mom & Dad

ADDitude Magazine, Spring 2012

Wow!  When I received an email from the editor of ADDitude Magazine, back in October of 2011, I was quite surprised to hear he wanted permission to print one of my blog entries. I knew of the online site but wasn't aware of the paper magazine. After taking a quick look back at the site, I zapped off my reply & the picture of Bobby & myself he wanted for the magazine. Today our copy arrived in the mail! Additude Magazine, Spring 2012, p. 17.  Bobby was shocked to learn he had a pseudonym. He insisted I change it at once to "Ripjaw." Argg. That's my boy! 

16 months ago I was passing through a dark tunnel. Our son's impulsivity & destruction had become simply overwhelming for me to deal with. I wanted more than anything to be a good parent for him & help him. I had no solid resources and sought the help of a trusted Psychologist who began to guide me onto a healthy path. It was at the beginning of that counseling that I searched in vain to find other moms online who could help me understand I wasn't alone. Believe it or not, I couldn't find a single one! (They are there, I've discovered.) I had no familiarity with blogging except for the word & decided to look into it. I chose blogspot.com and began to write.  I wrote and wrote and wrote during those first months. I didn't care if anyone EVER read what I wrote.  It was personally healing & oh so helpful. Now my outlook is much more positive!!

Apparently it wasn't just for me. We are sharing our story with others & I only hope that this journey encourages and lifts up other families. You are not alone.

CAUTION: Don't Go-It Alone With ADHD

Even for the strongest of parents, ADHD is challenging. There's no reason to go through this without help & support.There is SO MUCH support out there today!

Free Resources:

1. Use the Public Library internet for ADHD support websites, forums & blogs. There are many!

2. Public School Special Education Departments  Here you will find professionals who will evaluate your child & select as a team (along with you) interventions specific to his/her needs.

3. Public School Counselor   This person is available to meet either individually or in small groups with your child, helping him/her find appropriate skills for coping with ADHD in a school setting. The kids in the school I work at eagerly look forward to their weekly or monthly sessions! (These are done only with written parental permission.)

4. Family & Friends  While some of these may wish they could charge for their listening services, most will be invaluable to you. Most people have friends to turn to. Not everyone has understanding family. The "old-school" philosophy of parenting deems ADHD as a misdiagnosis for rotten, spoiled behavior. Most families have at least one member who doesn't want to join the support team. Hopefully they don't live next door to you and the occasional family reunion is your only chance for a run-in. If you're blessed with friends AND family who care & show support and love for you and your child count your blessings! (And make sure you're taking time to listen to them when they need an ear too. I need to do better here.)

Family Physician/Child Psychologist:

ADHD kids should be medically evaluated. Doctors are  there to help you and your child.

Books & Magazines:

I have favorites. The plain and simple facts & information books are great and serve a purpose in helping us structure our kids, but I'm really about trying to see the humor in this thing so I've loved books like, "All Dogs Have ADHD," by Kathy Hoopman. Nothing like a good laugh to tame the stress! I've used Amazon.com to find used books. (The right column on my blog lists other favorites.) The magazine subscription we have currently here at home is ADDitude Magazine, which has an online site as well as a yearly subscription of 4 issues. Wonderful collection of helpful tips & information!

If you feel alone in this process, get help. Seek the counsel of a professional & turn this into a positive experience. Please share any resources you don't see listed here. I value all ideas - they're part of the journey I'm on with my son.

Bees-Bobby's New Hobby

It comes as no surprise to us that Bobby can turn his attention 100% toward ANYTHING that interests him. He may be a highly-impulsive, overly wild & crazy 11 year old who can't keep his eyes on schoolwork long enough to complete a subject in one sitting, but focusing on his chosen hobbies is no chore to him!

This bee thing all started last summer with an idea gone bad (getting into the neighbors' bee box) but developed after that, through months of discussion and research with his father.  Now they are the proud owners of several boxes, bee suits and several books on bees. Oh yeah, they also have a dilapidated honey extractor that's used for spinning the honey out of the wax stuff. (I really know nothing about this new hobby of theirs.)

Bobby has spent countless hours sifting through the two bee books we got for him & has decided he wants only bee supplies for his next birthday. He doesn't even want the air-soft guns any more! Progress~

Our bee boy has been stung several times so that's not likely going to end his enthusiasm & he LOVES honey so it looks pretty certain that if things go well in the set-up and future operation, our little firecracker just might be on a positive path to his future. We sure hope so. We've had more challenging & painful experiences than we care to look back on so if we're turning a corner now - BRING IT ON!

Bobby, I hope your new venture with Dad is nothing but successful & that we have plenty of honey to eat and share. Who knows, maybe you'll get your wish and sell some! Sure love you, my little beekeeper!

Where's Your Bed? (Cleaning His Room)

When all the slats are cut apart and the mattress sags, and when there are so many cardboard forts in Bobby's room that we can no longer walk through it, it's finally time for Mom to show up on the scene. (Don't get me wrong...Bobby needs to clean his room and "clean" it he does-weekly!) Most of the time his door is my solution to his "organization," but every couple of months I simply must go in and take over. This isn't done with his permission and generally not even his knowledge because 3/4 of the contents are removed. Interestingly, Bobby never seems to miss anything. It's really almost like he needs someone to save him from the impulsivity that caused everything to enter and scatter!

Last evening was my chance. Thanksgiving dinner was behind us & Bobby was busy with the family. I just needed 30 minutes to scoop the contents out of the room without him knowing. Piece after piece of torn cardboard, plastic wrappers, dirty clothes and shoes were mixed together with an assortment of pens, paper, toy cars and his complete library of history books & all things Calvin & Hobbes. Tied to one end of his sturdy bunk bed was a large mesh bag filled to the top-a result of his last "room-cleaning!" As a bonus I sorted that too.

25 toy cars are lined up near the stereo. Books are back on the shelf. Everything looks great & here comes Bobby with a hammock his sister has handed down. Thanks, dear daughter! Glad he's collecting again so quickly! I'll be back after Christmas. Until then, the door can be shut if needed.

Love My ADHD Boy!

Nope, this isn't easy. In fact, it's quite overwhelming much of the time. But when I look at this precious child, I can't help but realize my love goes deep. He can't help many of the things he does. It seems like he SHOULD be able to but he really has neurological problems that have scrambled his judgement & impulses. I'm thankful we have people & books to look to for guidance. And, I'm thankful for the breaks we get now and then, to recharge our engines. I'm glad he is maturing in many areas & learning some social & behavior skills.  Bobby is a child who needs love no matter how naughty he is & no matter how unloveable he can be, I'm very glad he's our boy. I hope that when he's an adult we will look back and have few regrets because we gave this our very best! I know we will love him as just as much as we love our "easy-to-raise" kids now that they are adults!!  Bobby, we love you to the moon and back and our love for you likely will take us to the moon and back. Hugs & kisses, kiddo!

Cultivating Hobbies With Your ADHD kids

Hobbies take time, energy and sometimes money. How much time, energy & funding we choose is up to the individual families but in my opinion, it's very necessary! If parents take time to really think about this they will come up with some great ideas. Most of us are running at high-speed from sun-up to sun-down (or son-up to son-down) and we've convinced ourselves we have no extra time to do things like this but the truth is we either brought these kids into the world or chose to adopt them. We aren't doing our job if we don't get our priorities lined up and take time to strategize our parenting as well as take time to enjoy our kids.

Hmm, where could we come up with 30 minutes to think about hobbies OR actually do them? Here are the suggestions I made to myself:

1) TURN OFF the cell phone. For thousands of years people operated without every person they knew having immediate contact with them. It's still possible. Put it away for an hour or two a day.

2) TURN OFF the television, movies, computer, computer games. Again, it is only contemporary society that has 24/7 entertainment at their finger tips.....while at the same time wondering "where can I get time to figure out my kids?"

3) Make a written list of ideas and post them on the refrigerator. We tried this and it was amazing to see Bobby standing by the frig reading through the 75 activities. None of these involved the television, computer or gaming systems. Amazing, huh?!

4) Last but not least, LISTEN. We've tried to keep "plugged in" to what Bobby's talking about and when something seems interesting we check into it. ADHD kids move from one thing to the next so rapidly it's really hard to discern what's a "whim" and what could turn into a real hobby, so I don't run out and break the bank over the latest "idea" Bobby has. I simply listen. When he's been talking about the same thing for weeks we begin to see this may "take" and if it's not expensive we plug in!

Over the past 5 years hobbies have come and gone. Some cost nothing. Some were small change and some were a bit of investment. All were worth it. No question.  

U.S. Quarter collecting, bicycling, sushi-making, ant collecting,  raising baby chicks, bottle-feeding bummer lambs, building forts from scrap wood, skate-boarding, soccer, legos, fishing and the most recent interest......bees. (This one's over-the-top!) We'll know next spring if it's successful. For now, Bobby's reading everything in sight about raising bees!

Bobby And The Bees!

Bobby's latest fascination is BEES! Recently he disappeared only to be found near the neighbor's bee hives. As usual, we quizzed him on what he was doing and as usual, the answers were vague. After what seemed like ages of interrogation, Bobby admitted he had lifted the lid on the top of the box. He assured us he put it back. "I was just curious and wanted to see what it looked like in there" was his explanation. Arrggg! 

"You, young man, will march right back over to the bees and we'll be SURE the lid is on correctly," we informed him as Dad began to lead him back to the bees. It was clear he was nervous about getting close again which made the discipline follow-through even more important. They arrived at the bee hive to discover the lid not quite secure in it's place. As Bobby  reached out to fix the lid, with Dad looking on from a safe distance, a mad bee shot out at his arm and disciplined him. Because he's not allergic to bees, we wasted no time on sympathy.

Since that day, Bobby and Dad have begun reading all about raising bees. They are planning to begin their new venture in the spring. As of today, Mom is apprehensive of bringing bee hives anywhere near where Bobby lives, teases & destroys. No clue how this one will end but we'll find out next spring!

My Favorite ADHD Books!

At first I simply didn't have the time or energy to pick up a book and get past the first paragraph. Now, I will make the time. With this child, it's imperative I have tools and skills to raise him. Those tools don't drop from clouds! I believe every parent of an ADHD kiddo needs to read at least the first book listed here. I guarantee you're missing treasures if you don't grab the rest!

1) "The ADHD Parenting Handbook,"  by Colleen Alexander-Roberts

2) "All Dogs Have ADHD," by Kathy Hoopmann. Published 2009 by Jessica Kingley Publishers.

3) "ADHD And Me: What I Learned From Lighting Fires At The Dinner Table," by Blake Taylor, New Harbinger Publishers, 2008. (This author is currently in college & writes from a "kid's perspective. Fantastic tips!)

4) "Project June Bug," by Jackie Minniti, iUniverse Inc., 2008.  Well-written & insightful novel. A tribute, in my opinion, to any teacher who really takes the time to try to understand!

5) "Cory Stories," by Jeanne Kraus, 2005 Magination Press

This fun paperback book is especially written for kids with tips for parents included. The author has 20 years experience in the classroom and this book was inspired by one of her sons.

The Father's Role In ADHD

So often the nurturing task lands on Mom. Don't get me wrong. I realize many dads look for ways to nurture their children, but more often that responsibility is taken on by mom. Moms do more talking. (Its' a fact. Darn it anyway.) We are frequently the chosen "go-to" person when kids need to talk and figure stuff out and we seem to be the bridge between home and school. So where does Dad come in?

I just read an article on this very subject by Dr. Silver, featured in the Feb./March 2003 issue of ADDitude Magazine, entitled "Why Boys With ADHD Need Their Dads."  WOW! Great article. There are so many ways dads can contribute to the healthy growth of their kids & ADHD boys are high on that need list! I was interested in how important it is for Dad to support whatever program his child is using to become more successful as a young man with ADHD.  If Dad isn't in support that training will not be as successful. Makes a lot of sense to me! I'm a mom who believes we have to jump in with both feet, when parenting. Especially any child with high needs. We see less t.v., do less with friends & read as much as we can, to EDUCATE ourselves on how to make a positive impact in our kids' lives. It must be the priority. No questions asked.

Circumstances such as divorce, death, illness & work dictate that not every dad can "be there." Sadly though, many dads don't choose to.  Bobby's one lucky kid. His daddy is on-board. He plays games and does homework with him, attends all his soccer games, yelling his support as loud as the dads with kids who don't struggle with impulsivity, wildness, anger and destructiveness. Does he get angry & is he ever frustrated? You bet. This stuff isn't easy for any of us. He does seem to understand that his role of support in Bobby's life is crucial. Today, I am thankful for this fact!

I Need Fewer Hours In My Day!

I am honored that this blog entry is to be published with my permission in the Spring 2012 issue of ADDitude Magazine:

Every time I have a day like today I just want BEDTIME to roll around quickly so I can collapse. Most people think they need more hours in their day. Not me. Not any more. It's barely 3:00 on a Sunday afternoon and already I've said, "What were you thinking?" at least 7 times. Here are the doozies:

1) Went out to clean up the shop for a barn party we're planning for our kids and found hundreds of screws & nails everywhere. When I asked "why" the reply was honest. "I was throwing them at pigeons to get the pigeons out of here!" (He picked them up plus did some other work for restitution.)

2) I sent Bobby to the house with a wheelbarrel of produce from the garden. Simple task but when he didn't return I discovered he was "washing the windows" (with a hose & hard water).

3) Came into the house to find a large salmon hook stuck into the couch cushion. (Not sure when this happened since the house is always locked if we're outside working.) Felt ridiculous even saying the words "why did you put a fish hook in the couch?" Not surprising, he doesn't even remember this one.

I love my boy to the moon and back....I think we've been to the moon and back. But I'm a mom of an adhd boy and I'm like all other parents of adhd kids - e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d! This is not a "phase" but my daily, hourly life.

This is precisely why FEWER hours in the day would help me out. Fewer hours to repair, scrub, discipline, explain & argue. I don't need any more hours in my day. I'm ready for bed now and it's not much past 3:00.

Depression In ADHD Kids

We're seeing quite a bit of depression these days. Considerably more than ever before. Can't figure out if starting back to school has kick-started it after such a fun summer or if maybe it's just a new phase. One thing is certain, it's heart-breaking. I don't cope well around depression. Doesn't mean I've never been depressed ('cuz I get down from time to time) but it's just not something I can "fix" or make better, so I feel helpless as a parent.  I'm really hoping this is a phase and not a new "normal" in our home. The odds are always against him. This will not be good if the blues stick around. I feel so sorry for him.

Tonight I'm rambling. Not really sure where we'll turn from here but one thing is sure....Bobby's Psychologist should have a handful of good tools for us to try out. Sometimes the days are very long but we're still just taking them one at a time.